Dad had a habit of wagging school, in fact, as Aunty Elaine told me, he was so bad that each day in the morning he had to report to the headmasters office and get a stamp on his hand so his mother and father could confirm he’d been at school..... Alan : What, send him into a cubicle with magazines? They’ve got hooves for goodness’ sake. Four of them. It’d take some doing, but I cant see it.

Alan: Sonja, this is no laughing matter. You know, if you are at a fun fair, these guys might put your head in a candyfloss machine. And they might be standing round having a great laugh at you with your big pink hair. But you may be very very dizzy. Now, Sonja, I’ve been thinking about your impending homelessness and I’ve come to a decision. I want you to move in.

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And then I’d say “You always said, there’s no you and me, there’s only we. And the great we - all the people who loved you - need a chance to come together and say goodbye. And they’re not going to fit on top of that mountain in Tibet”. Alan: Tortures you by putting your hair in a fax machine and pressing “Send”. What do you think was actually wrong with my book? Don’t pull any punches. Despite obtaining her GCE in Ireland, she returned to high school in Mildura as a mother of 8 and enrolled in a number of HSC subjects, excelling in Australian History which she read avidly up until the time she died. Ooh, I’m not sure about the state and the church colluding in matters spiritual. It worries me… I want a Tibetan sky burial, where they take you up the mountain and you’re eaten by the birds” The audience exploded. See, no one had ever done him before. And here I was a white kid from Long Island imitating the greatest of all time, and he was loving it.

The National Trust in 1982 went as far as classifying Lou as a national treasure. But Lou is much, much more than that. Alan : Not really. People always go on about space, don’t they?, Oooh, it’s nice to have a bit of space. People forget, you can get lost in space. Could have done with a skylight, really. Oh well. I presume we’re all going to keep in touch, you know, now that the work’s finished? I’ve got you all a present, for your hard work. I wont tell you what it is, it’s a surprise. Lynn, what the frig have you got on your feet? Alan : It’s political correctness gone mad. You know, I tell you what amuses me, Michael. Really amuses me, when people criticize my book just because I happened to use the phrase “Needless to say, I had the last laugh” 14 times. Because, you know. You and I know, in my life to do date I have actually had the last laugh…Dad said to me the other night that he had faith in me and I could say whatever I wanted to today … kind … but silly man. So hear we go …

He did love himself, he was a great host…I think that with Beau, if ever you were at a party and Beau’s, and Anne’s, if the wine glass was at less than 85% capacity he’d be personally offended. Your wine glass was continually topped up and he always made sure you had the most delicious time. Experiencing his particular sense of personal abundance, because Errol was abundant. He’s irreplaceable. Then to Warragul HS 1956-59 - ‘A very sincere, thorough & capable teacher. Presents lessons on sound lines securing very good co-operation from his classes. A valuable member of staff.’ I realised I had nothing to worry about. The man was a perfect gentleman. But if you told me 25 years ago that I would be talking about rigid inflatable hulls with Dale Winton I would probably have spat at you. Recently he has not been as strong as he use to be and struggled to pull fish up from a great depth. talking to representative of a farming union): If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.

Alan is at the factory where his book is being pulped:

Kate : Very easy to confuse the two. Sometimes people can actually end up talking out of their arse, Alan.